So on top of all the busy-ness with the band tour and the play, I realised my training had become dangerously sporadic. This was mainly due to the anti-social hours of the day job I had from October til January. Although the days were short I was exhausted and very unhappy and not finding time to train rope. So I quit my job. Happy days! I am, of course, incredibly poor again. But life is so much better I find it hard to care.

I've chosen rope and I describe myself as a rope performer, so when I can't train it's pretty grim! Apart from the fact that regular exercise obviously helps me stay happy and sane and also necessitates my living reasonably healthily, every time I described myself as an aerialist I felt like a fraud. Four months is the longest I haven't trained since I started (I once burst into tears when I realised my evening class easter holiday was three weeks long instead of two!) and I had a constant feeling of an hourglass slipping away, getting back to training was going to be harder every day I didn't have the time and energy to do it. 

I kept up a little by doing yoga and pilates, using online videos to motivate me. (Tara Stiles and Blogilates, if you're interested). I also read and wrote a lot, as described in my other posts, which helped me stay focussed on the work I wanted to create.

I went to more workshops with Karla Shacklock, which not only helped me find ways of devising work (creating 'jars') but also got me back into doing a bit of fitness in her amazing warm-ups*! This was about a month after I left my job and definitely the start of me feeling like someone who made performance again; pretty pivotal.

I started to go to a rope class on Friday nights, taught by Joe Palmer and Gareth Bailey. I wanted to ease back into training by taking a regular class (I love taking classes!) and have learnt some lovely new stuff. I decided to give myself a deadline to perform again and will be doing so on Saturday night at The Cave of Mystery. It was a bit risky having been so busy with the play and the Boxcar tour, but deadlines work and it's coming together!

I thought I might just revive an old act, with the aim of having to regain my stamina and just perform in public after a while. But the writing and ideas I've had about this forest/walnut tree piece have been burning away and I decided to take a risk and work on that instead. The choreography has come together well with the music (which I brought in fairly late in the process as I want the movement to communicate for itself). I'm using some new vocabulary from the Friday classes and I've even found I can actually talk and project at the points I'd planned (rope is tiring!). It's perhaps a dangerous lesson to learn that getting your stamina back and putting a piece together can happen so quickly, but a happy one too! I'll be in training a couple more times before Saturday and need to work on memorising and finding the best way of telling the story that goes with it; it's from the Creative Exchange, a piece of writing about when I was a child, the city kids who moved to the countryside playing on rope swings in the trees. Matilda's feedback on the writing and how it might be used in performance has been invaluable!

There's certainly a lot more to be done on this piece. It's showable and I think it will fit the night well and having to create it in a bit of a rush has made it happen without endless procrastination. But I will step back from it after the show and see how I feel it has worked with the writing and where it might fit into the whole piece. 

My plan is to collate a bit more performance material (bizarrely, now it more scary to create the ground based work that I want to include in a longer show) and arrange a little private scratch night to get some feedback and reactions. So after a little digestion I will set myself a deadline for that too.

I suspect my training will always be a little sporadic. I am, as I like to describe it, hormonally challenged. And I am usually involved in a lot of different projects. Perhaps my fingers are dipped into too many pies and I'm certainly watchful of that. But while I respect, and sometimes envy, people who train with a total dedication and vigour, I aim to create work with an honest core that will communicate on quite an intimate level. So in a way this is a justification (to myself) that engaging in life outside of the training space will enrich the work I make. Having realised just how unhappy not doing rope makes me and being motivated and inspired by the ideas I've had recently makes me feel optimistic that I'm going to keep training now because I have a clearer goal of where I am going.

The last two weeks have been wonderful, performing in the play and training this piece. Pretty much an ideal lifestyle and I even managed to fit in a little socialising and resting! I'm looking into ways of funding some further training or r&d and possibly of working somewhere where training would be integral to my job, but for now I know persistence has worked.

*Would you like to see the @BeyondBristol morning warm-ups continue? Tell us and why! Email lbfrank@bristololdvic.org.uk
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Moby Dick! 04/18/2012
 
It's been a busy time, and not with sewing zips back into people's Levi's or selling commuters tickets, but with performance. Which is pretty brilliant!

Having declared  in the New Year (in a slightly terrifying, public way) that I wanted to get properly involved with theatre again, I auditioned for Dark Stuff Production's Moby Dick and by February I had the part as Queequeg. Setting goals, putting yourself out there and going for it; scary as all hell but it seems to work!

I totally loved the rehearsal process. We rehearsed in a few different spaces, working with both Anna Girvan and Nancy Medina. Queequeg is rather a taciturn type and doesn't have many lines. Which is great in terms of line-learning as I suspect I would be incredibly rusty at that. But I was a bit worried about how to give character to him. But we worked on finding his dynamic, playing with movement types (percussive, lyrical, swinging...) and where his core was. I worked with Nancy to develop the rituals that are so integral to his presence in the play  We improvised some background scenes that aren't in the script to round the characters and gelled quickly as a group. We even got to rehearse on a boat thanks to the Bristol Ferry Boat Company!

Something helpful that happened is that when I get nervous my way of dealing with it is to shut down and centre a lot, becoming very slow, very aware of my internal world and a spectator of the external one. In real life conflict this probably makes me come across as sullen and difficult, but in performance it's pretty useful! Especially as Queequeg is such a quiet, watchful character. He also has strength (he is a harpooner and a hunter, after all) and a lot of lightness in humour, looking on at the Christian world with bemusement. In the book Ishmael says:

With much interest I sat watching him. Savage though he was, and hideously marred about the face- at least to my taste- his countenance yet had a something in it which was by no means disagreeable. You cannot hide the soul. Through all his unearthly tattooings, I thought I saw the traces of a simple honest heart; and in his large, deep eyes, fiery black and bold, there seemed tokens of a spirit that would dare a thousand devils. And besides all this, there was a certain lofty bearing about the Pagan, which even his uncouthness could not altogether maim. He looked like a man who had never cringed and never had had a creditor. 

I'm really pleased with the way the character has been received in reviews:

Zuleika Gregory’s Polynesian harpooner Queequeg, is steeped in stillness and strength while effectively capturing his good-natured laugh and spiritual core. Alison Farina Theatre Bath

Queequeg provides balance, poise and mystery. 
Bristol Evening Post

I was away on tour with the band during the last week of rehearsals in the space (the Bierkeller Theatre) and slightly nervous about fitting in to the blocking, especially as it is a promenade show. However, when I returned the space was transformed into The Pequod and after a couple of runs we opened and there were no silly scenes of a confused Queequeg running about looking lost! 

The promenade aspect of the show has meant every night is different and the audience responds in very different ways. We've just about managed to keep the pace of the scenes whilst herding the audience about, mostly thanks to Stubb (played by John Winchester) ordering the audience about as crew. Thinking back on the Ockham's Razor Summer School last year it could have been easier with a full lighting rig (the lighting desk only covers the theatre space in the centre of the venue and our wonderful stage management duo have been dashing between the various domestic switches that light up the side spaces) and some more test runs with dummy audiences. Happily, it's worked that Stubb as a character can boss every one about and generally the audience have ended up where they should be. A reviewer from Theatre Bath writes ' I can honestly say this was the most effective and successful promenade performance I have ever had the pleasure to attend'.

We've had some quiet nights but as word got round and the reviews rolled in we've had some lovely full houses. It's our last show tonight, advance booking recommended! 

Here are the reviews:
Theatre Bath
The Public Reviews
Venue Magazine
Guide2Bristol

All the actors have had great write ups and it's been a real pleasure working with them.  It's been lovely working with such a great team (and in a team at all, after so much solo work) and with live music. In fact Raarg who created the live music saw my theatre-yearning post and told me about the audition, so special thanks to him!

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A Reading List 02/26/2012
 
Last year was my big professional development year (one thing it made me realise is that development should always be happening and I hope to continue it as much as I can). I mean to write more about the courses I took, but it will take a proper sit-down and digest, as well as a rummage through my notebooks that I haven't quite found time for yet.

As well as the courses, I sought out books that were an inspiration and motivation in one way or another. I'm not much of a critic, but I felt it was great selection of books for me and hopefully other performers and creatives too, so I wanted to write about it here.

Wreck This Journal, Keri Smith, Perigree Books
I used to teach art and craft to people suffering from mental health problems. After a while, faced with people on some heavy medication who were also quite institutionalised, my main focus became that of opening up imaginations and confidence, rather than creating something perfect. I worked hard at getting the people I worked with to be less afraid of the blank page and to see that practice involves making plenty of mistakes. This book is all about that. 
When I got this book I was working in a Christmas job in a shop and when I got home I would get it out and make a mess. It helped me switch over my day. It was hard at first to contemplate destroying this shiny new paperback, but after a while you approach it with such relish.

'It is from the blot that inspiration is born'  (Picasso quoted in Dario Fo)

I'm trying to approach my performance work in the same way. It's hard, there are obstacles, but I'm keeping going.

I have other books by Keri Smith which are similarly fun and inspiring, How To Be an Explorer of the World has lots of useful quotes and references. They all work on the same general principle of mess, destruction and exploration as this one though, so I'd start with Wreck This Journal.

Here's some pages from mine, I would seriously recommend this book to anyone stuck in a creative rut, or who just wants a little playtime.
Through The Body, Dymphna Callery, Nick Hern Books
I bought this book as a kind of symbolic offering to myself at the end of 2010. I couldn't afford the training I wanted, but I invested a little in my professional development by buying this. It was winter and I had cupboard full of treats from my christmas job at Lush, so I put it in the bathroom to read during my many baths. Then my housemate kindly arranged for it to attend the Philippe Gaulier school in Paris. So it was weeks before I got to read more than the first chapter. After its valuable education via negativa, the book is now back in my mitts and I've been enjoying reading it again. 

I bought it hoping it would have some practical advise, however the majority of the exercises are for group work and I'm looking for ways of working on this solo piece. The book is definitely an inspiring read and the collection of different ideas behind physical theatre gives a good theory base, perhaps restructuring some of the games (especially those on using text, which is something more strange to me now having spent so long moving in the air) will help me find a new way of working by myself.

Creating a Life Worth Living, Carol Lloyd, Harper Perennial
This one has an embarrassing title, the sort of thing you need to shove under a cushion when someone comes round in order that they don't leap to the conclusion that you're a suicidal crystal healer. It's a bit dry and tiresome and has an annoying section where you 'use [creative profiles] as a miner's pick to dig into the uncharted territory of your creative self'. Hmm. 

It does have some useful questionnaires (I love questionnaires!) and interviews with choreographers, composers, writers etc. There is a frustrating section on day-jobs. At least it admits that most of us need one to fund our projects and pay the rent. But knowing that, as a performer, you need a job which will leave you the time and energy to make and perform your work doesn't really help you find one.

What I did get from this book was a habit. She recommends finding a daily task; 'fifteen minutes of a focussed activity, performed every day at the same time'. I chose to write. I pick an object and write a story from it. Sometimes I manage to do it every day for a long while. I can tell when I am getting off track and things are getting too much if I haven't done it for ages.

Enter Talking, Joan Rivers, Delacorte
This may seem like a strange one, but it was actually the inspiring career manual I was after. I picked it up as a light read and it's one of the most inspiring books I've read. Basically, it's all about persistence. Joan knew what she wanted to do, she was rejected over and over by agents and worked some pretty rubbish jobs, but she just persisted and persisted. Sometimes I find all this follow your dreams talk, 'if you really want it you can have it' type talk incredibly frustrating. Yes, drive and confidence are important, but if you want to train all day you need to eat, if you want to market yourself you need to have resources and it you want to have a roof over your head you need to be doing something to pay the rent. 

So, this book was a refreshing slant on that, Joan wasn't full of confidence, in fact she was very much more shy and sensitive than her stage persona, but she was full of ambition. It didn't tell me I could have whatever I wanted, but it did tell me that if I were to achieve what I want, it would be because I didn't give up.

The Creative Habit, Twyla Tharp, Simon & Schuster  
I read this whilst attending the Ockham's Razor summer school at LICA, on the train and in the youth hostel I stayed at in the YHA afterwards, so in beautiful surroundings doing something I love! And I loved it. It's inspiring and motivating, but neither wishy washy nor patronising. She talks about her daily practise, how she forms and builds on ideas, how she works in the studio and in collaboration. Tharp is very keen on routine and structure, which is a bit terrifying. But I expect she's right!

There are excellent examples of how to explore an idea and begin developing them, and the regular tasks that will make this process easier or stronger. I think it's actually helped me learn how to tease an idea into a project, which is pretty amazing. 

344 Questions, Stefan G. Bucher, New Riders
So, I mentioned how I like questionnaires. They're like a book's way of flattering you. And a good way of focussing your ideas and goals. And perhaps realising what questions you've been avoiding answering.This book (full title; 344 Questions, The Creative Person's Do-It-Yourself Guide to Insight, Survival, and Artistic Fulfillment) is chock a block with questions and it's attractive. Swoon!

What It Is, Lynda Barry, Johnathan Cape
This is a beautiful book and I consumed all the first chapter (in graphic novel form) in one hungry sitting. It was recommended to me by Matilda Leyser while I was on a Creative Exchange at Circus Space, where we looked at writing and creating images as a way to inform and devise aerial performance. (I mention this a lot; it's because it was brilliant! Here's some more info on the Making It Up workshops that Improbable ran last year, hopefully there be more in 2012 http://www.improbable.co.uk/documents/radEFB96.pdf).
 
The actvity part of What It Is is essentially variations on one main writing exercise, placing yourself within an image or memory, developing the image by answering simple but evocative questions and writing for set times before developing the pieces. I'm sure there are other books that have similar exercises, but the presentation and tone of Lynda Barry's instructions and illustrations make this an irresistible tutor.


I've also been reading a bit of nature writing, as the piece I am working on now is a lot to do with my experiences in the Forest of Dean, and other places, in nature. I've enjoyed John Stewart Collis' The Worm Forgives the Plough and Roger Deakin's Wildwood. I've read a little of Writing Down the Bones by Natalie Goldberg, I realised it's something I'd like to read in full rather than dip into so I think I'll take it on the Boxcar tour. Yesterday I picked up Theatre and The Body by Colette Conroy, a text from a promising series of 'Theatre and...' titles from Palgrave Macmillan that aim to be 'challenging, pugnacious, visionary sometimes and, above all, clear'.

I made an Amazon list so you can see them in one place and maybe use the Look Inside function. But! You know what is a nice day job for artists? Working in a bookshop. It's the dream job, right? Getting paid to read and talk about reading! So go and buy these books from a real shop with shelves and walls and people with jobs. 
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It's one of my greatest wishes to be in a theatre company again, so this is my moment of bravery where I reach out, come out and say.... 'I want to be in a theatre company'!

In 2011 I decided not to tour in circus but to make myself a programme of professional development and take part in as much as possible. I feel very lucky as I have been able to take part in many amazing classes, workshops and creative exchanges with great people. I've also had the opportunity to see shows and engage in the culture and conversations which can be harder to come by at the back of a big top and I'm feeling really grateful for the year I've had. I have stacked up skills, inspiration and confidence and now feel I need to get it off the ground (or perhaps even on the ground in my case). 

Perhaps you are involved with or know of a project I could get involved with, perhaps you want to start something new...or maybe I'll just get on the radar and something will come in future. 

The main thing I want from this message is to burn down any bushel to hide under and let my goals for the year and the future be known. I'm hoping to develop some narrative aerial pieces I've been working on and incubating (and find opportunities to perform them!), but I'm also looking for collaborations and projects to be a part of. I'm also keen to keep seeing shows and discuss some thoughts after. Some of you know about this already, or are to far away to realistically colaborate, so I'm just sharing my thoughts and perhaps initiating some conversation.

Please feel free to pass the message on, print off my 'lonely heart' notice and air drop it, tell me about training and workshops, look at my CV or hound me with intimidating questions about my experience! 

Above is my 'theatre lonely heart'. It's been procrastinated within an inch of it's life, so there it is as a first draft in a move to get things going. Of course if you'd like to know more about what I actually want to do please contact me.

Happy New Year! Hope it's a creative and happy one for us all, Zuleika.
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I don't really keep a journal as the pages are all over the place, but I thought 'pages' was a bit too vague! 

Various sources and book have inspired me to play with ideas on the page, with writing and drawing. Here are some of them...

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Basically a bit of a pep talk to myself to keep going despite winter (I'm not good at winter!) and a day job with very anti-social hours. I was too lazy to refill my water so the words are coloured in from an old glass of wine, which I've continued to use. I like the subdued and unpredictable hue.
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More winter encouragement!
Pages from my moleskine (it's nearly full, never finished but nearly full):
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After doing a piece of writing about singing using the exercises from the Creative Exchange and Lynda Barry's wonderful book What It Is. This me aged about 13 practising for a school play.
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I had a great chat with a friend about doing these multi disciplinary peer support sessions, basically for those of us that can't afford to do an MA! Not sure if it's called this or these are the ultimate goals, but it's a draft...
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Keeping Up! 12/12/2011
 
Keeping up to date, keeping up with this and keeping up in the air...

After deciding to take a year out of touring and construct a programme of professional development for myself, I'm feeling pretty positive. I have had the opportunity to work with some amazing and inspiring teachers, collaborators and fellow participants. I've written more on this, just need to copy it out of my sketchbook! But I thought I'd reflect briefly on what a great year it was to take part in these courses and exchanges and how lucky I feel it came together.

I now have a job (shock horror!) so remaining focused on creating performance is a struggle, but the fact that struggle is at the forefront of my mind so, so much feels like a positive thing. I know where I want my focus to lie and I am determined to make opportunities for my ideas and dreams to come to fruition.

I'm currently exploring two pieces, one on the traces of glitter that remained for months after I left the trad circus. Part of me just wants to play with this allegory of our love/hate relationships with what we leave behind, what becomes a part of us whether we choose it or not. There's also an interesting aspect, for me, of body image, identity and gender. How we augment ourselves and our image. I haven't yet decided whether to combine these two angles, I expect it will come through in the devising process.

The second piece has a core narrative of exploring and rediscovering the roots of our identity, the things that draw us back to ourselves and make us strong and vivid. It is essentially a follow up to Hail and Climb, to do with youth and my roots of taking to the air using some moments I discovered in the John Paul Zaccarini's Aerial Journeys workshops, the Creative Exchange with Matilda Leyser and Improbable Theatre (and my writing during and since then) and in Circomedia's What Next Playspaces....any way much more to come but I thought I'd seize this late night moment of productivity and inspiration to share my thoughts here!

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New Spaces 07/22/2011
 
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The big news for me is that I have a new room and a new workspace!
I now have a desk at home with a totally inspiring view (I've just seen two hot air balloons float by) and a sewing studio in the Neat Studios at The Island. That's also where I train, which is handy.

I'm not on the site yet but here is Neat Studios. 
And here is my sewing site Sophisticated Boom Boom

I'm making the most of my new desk space, doodling and brain storm (and applying for some exciting opportunities) so hopefully their will be fruit to harvest soon!

Here's an interview I gave about my working space.


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In June I had the choice of making a new piece or adapting an old one to a 5m venue for Cirque Subite. I also had the gift of insomnia. I decided to make a somnolent rope piece, deciding that it was better to use something that was real for me at the time. I wanted a dark, sleepy piece of atmospheric music that would help transport the audience to my confused, slow world. I'd like to work on it more, making it more involving and expressive but still conveying that sense of sleep deprivation and the way the world becomes distorted, at once small and enclosed yet distant.
Here is a rehearsal video I made to send to some remote outside-eyes and one from the show. I really like the woozy effect that happened in the rehearsal video from my web-cam, I think that's what I'll work on bringing in physically.

Rehearsal Shoot

Cirque Subite

The music is Unseen Ticket by Imbogodom. Alexander Tucker from Imbogodom was performing at The Cube the same night, it's a shame I didn't get to meet him. Anyway, check them out.
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Our album was proudly launched and is available to order here: http://boxcaraldoushuxley.bandcamp.com/

You will receive a beautiful 10" vinyl with a download code. Marvellous.

There are also some rather wonderful pictures from our expedition with photographer Tom Cops here.
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